2.23.2015

ii. to be alive


to be alive: a collection of almost perfect sentences from a nightstand journal, my most prized, and secret, possession.

via

I didn't seem to sit,
But I really couldn't stand,
Although my legs were unstable,
I ran.
Far
     far
           far

                              away.


While I thought to myself hard and strong, thinking, praying, that I would make the right choice, what was the right choice? who would make it-- me or somebody else? and then-- it was simply gone, and I wouldn't, and absolutely couldn't ever see it ever again, or even hope to see it again.

I closed my eyes, and there I saw it, my own little black birdie, whose feathers I adored quite dearly, and she let me ride her until freedom became my middle name.

Without even looking back, you ran, over hills of mud and meadows of dead grass, and I stood amazed with my jaw hanging open because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be as free as you.

To be alive is to be free; it is to take the opportunities in life which present themselves, and to seize them at the most imperfect moment.

All I ever wanted was to be free.

I threw small pieces of bread at the birds, you know, the little black ones that people tend to outcast, and suddenly, but so fortunately, I didn't feel alone at all.

You're free, she said, and she let go of my hand and even though I had the ability to run, I didn't, and the shackles appeared over my wrists again.

Over rainbows and hills and rainy days, I finally found myself.

It was so easy to leave my life and just start a new one, but the only thing was that no matter how hard I had tried, I knew I couldn't.

Huh, I guess this is a series, isn't it?

8 comments:

  1. please make this a series it's so lovely <3
    "To be alive is to be free"
    yupyupyup. you nailed it, darling. soooo good. xxx.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. awww, that means a lot to me, elisabeth! love ya, darling xx

      Delete
  2. Your writing is so beautiful, and so is this quote. I guess there's always positivity in pain, because all feelings are signs of just how alive you are.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you oh so much, M. and, by the way, you're right-- feelings are signs of being alive.

      Delete
  3. This is lovely! You are an amazing writer!
    Mae :)
    superswankified.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow -- this is truly inspirational. You have a way with words, my friend!

    ReplyDelete

Comments make me smile. :) Leave your link if you'd like, lovely x